Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
