he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
