That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
