all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She just used a chaser for red wine.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
