god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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