An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
