I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
