Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
