it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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