new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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