i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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