Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
