My first STD was from a foam party
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
