im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
