ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
