So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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