do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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