This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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