what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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