I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
