How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
