Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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