well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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