I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
