You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
