my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
