Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
