don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
