I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
two words...techno handjob
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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