You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
