Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he told me I talked like a deaf person
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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