Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
