How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
