well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
