I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
