oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
