Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
