She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
