You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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