I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
