HIV tests are more positive than that guy
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
