i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
