...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
