reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
