hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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