come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
