I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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