Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
