Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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