You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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