how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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