Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
