I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
