see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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